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One day, when a seamstress was
sewing while sitting close to a river ...
... her thimble fell into the river.
When she cried out, the
Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The seamstress replied that her thimble
had fallen into the water and that she needed the thimble to help
her husband in making a living for the two of them.
The Lord went down into the water and
reappeared with a golden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord
asked. The seamstress replied, "No." The Lord again went down and
came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord
asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No." The Lord went down
again and came up with a silver thimble. "Is this your thimble?"
the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was
pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles
to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some time later, the seamstress was
walking with her husband along he riverbank, and her husband fell
into the river. When she cried out, The Lord again appeared and
asked her, Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen
into the water!" The Lord went down into the water and came up
with Mel Gibson. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes,"
cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an
untruth!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is
a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you
would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him,
you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you
would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health
and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so
THAT'S why I said 'yes' to Mel Gibson." The moral of this story
is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason,
and for the benefit of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to
it.
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, PA.
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It was a Saturday afternoon, and I
had rushed down to the local supermarket ...
...to hurriedly pick up some
hamburger rolls, chips and a few condiments for an impromptu BBQ
for a few friends at half-time while we were watching a college
basketball game on the patio.
The store was loaded with shoppers and
as I headed for the limited items Express Lane, the only one
that didn't have a long line, a rather large woman, completely
ignoring the overhead sign, slipped into the check-out line just
in front of me, pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
I was quietly fuming at the anticipated
delay, when to my unexpected delight, the elderly cashier
beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and
asked ever so sweetly, "So dearie, which ten items would you
like to buy?
Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.
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Un-Categorizable Jokes, My Little
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Words that didn't quite make it
into Webster's dictionary
- Arbitrator: A cook that
leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
- Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to
do.
- Bernadette: The act of torching a
mortgage
- Burglarize: What a crook sees with
- Control: A short, ugly inmate
- Counterfeiters: Workers who put
together kitchen cabinets
- Eclipse: what an English barber does
for a living
- Eyedropper: a clumsy ophthalmologist
- Heroes: what a guy in a boat does
- Left Bank: what the robber did when his
bag was full of loot
- Misty: How golfers create divots
- Paradox: two physicians
- Parasites: what you see from the top of
the Eiffel Tower.
- Pharmacist: a helper on the farm
- Polarize: what penguins see with
- Primate: removing your spouse from in
front of the TV
- Relief: what trees do in the spring
- Rubberneck: what you do to relax your
wife
- Selfish: what the owner of a seafood
store does
- Sudafed: brought litigation against a
government official
- Subdued ...like a guy, like works on
one of those Attack Submarines
Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, MD.
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Computer Humor - Take 1
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May
24th Humor Page
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