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Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on
the Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting
the interview looked at the 3 of them and said, "So ya'll want to
be a cop, eh?"
The blondes all nodded. The detective got
up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting
back down, he opened it up and withdrew a picture, and said, "To
be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to
notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as
scars, etc."
So he stuck the photo in the face of the
1st blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds. "Now, he said,
"did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did.
He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of
course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his
face! You're dismissed!"
The 1st blonde hung her head and walked
out of the office. The detective then turned to the 2nd blonde,
stuck the photo in her face for 2 seconds, pulled it back and
said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding
about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hand and
exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This
is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one
ear!! You're excused, too!"
The 2nd blonde sheepishly walked out of
the office. The detective turned his attention to the 3rd and last
blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but......." He
flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew
it, saying "All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or
unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I did. This man wears
contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look
at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the
folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and
said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts...
How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well
duh! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear
glasses!"
Submitted by Dolly, Myersville, MD.
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Let's see how good you are on
"COMMON KNOWLEDGE".
No cheating! No looking around;
no using anything on or in your desk. Can you beat 18? (The
average.) Write down your answers and check the answers (which
are on the bottom of e-mail) after completing all the questions.
And remember ... No Cheating!
- On a standard traffic light,
is the green on the top or bottom?
- How
many states are there? (Don't laugh, some people don't know)
- In which hand is the Statue
of Liberty's torch?
- What 6 colors are on the
classic Campbell's soup label?
- What 2 letters don't appear
on the telephone dial? (No cheating!)
- What 2 numbers on the
telephone dial don't have letters by them?
- When you walk does your left
arm swing w/your right or left leg?
- How many matches are in a
standard pack [cardboard flip top]?
- On the United States flag is
the top stripe red or white?
- What is the lowest number on
the FM dial?
- Which way does water go down
the drain in the US, counter or clockwise?
- Which way does a "no
smoking" sign's slash run?
- How many channels on a VHF
TV dial?
- Which side of a women's
blouse are the buttons on?
- On a NY license plate, is
New York on the top or bottom?
- Which way do fans rotate?
- Whose
face is on a dime?
- How many sides does a stop
sign have?
- Do books have even-numbered
pages on the right or left side?
- How many lug nuts are on a
standard car wheel?
- How many sides are there on
a standard pencil?
- Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy,
Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?
- How many hot dog buns are in
a standard package?
- On which playing card is the
cardmaker's trademark?
- On which side of a Venetian
blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the
slats?
- On the back of a $1 bill,
what is in the center?
- There are 12 buttons on a
touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?
- How many curves are there in
the standard paper clip?
- Does a merry-go-round turn
counter or clockwise?
Submitted by Larry,
Walkersville, Md.
Answers:
- Bottom
- 50 (please tell me you at
least got this one!)
- Right
- Blue, red, white, yellow,
black, and gold
- Q Z
- 1 and 0
- Right
- 20
- Red
- 88
- Counter (unless you happen
to be south of the equator)
- Towards bottom right
- 12 (no #1)
- Left
- Top
- Clockwise as you look at it
- Roosevelt
- 8
- Left
- 5
- 6
- Bashful
- 8
- Did you notice there wasn't
one?
- Ace of spades
- Left
- ONE
- *, #
- 3
- Counter
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A
Week in the life of a Gardener's Spouse
She dug the plot on Monday,
the soil was rich and fine
But she forgot to put the dinner on, so out we went to dine.
She planted roses Tuesday,
she says they are a must.
They really were quite lovely, but she forgot to dust.
On Wednesday it was daisies
they opened with the sun,
All pinks and whites and yellows, but the laundry wasn't done.
The poppies came on Thursday
all bright and cherry red,
I guess she really was engrossed, she never made the bed.
It was violets here on Friday
in colours she adores,
It never bothered her at all, the dirt upon our floors.
Saturday I hired a maid, I'd
not admit defeat,
She can garden all she wants now and the house will still be
neat
It's nearly lunchtime Sunday
I cannot find the maid,
Oh I don't believe it. She's out there alongside my wife with
her own spade!
Submitted by Lindsay,
Blenhiem, New Zealand
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July
30th Humor Page
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