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Will Rogers was probably the
greatest political sage this country has ever known ....
Enjoy the following:
- Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
- Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
- There are 2 theories to arguing with a
woman...neither works.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
- Always drink upstream from the herd.
- If you find yourself in a hole, stop
digging.
- The quickest way to double your money
is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
- There are three kinds of men: The ones
that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The
rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for
themselves.
- Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
- If you're riding' ahead of the herd,
take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still
there.
- Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a
whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
- After eating an entire bull, a mountain
lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a
hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of
bull, keep your mouth shut.
Submitted by Wink, Yonkers, NY.
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A farmer had five female pigs
and, as times were hard ...
... he had decided to take them to
the county fair and sell them.
While at the fair, he met
another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they
decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles away from
one another and so they agreed to drive thirty miles and find a
field in which to mate their pigs. The first morning, the farmer
with the female pigs got up at 5 AM. loaded the pigs into the
family station wagon, which was the only vehicle they had, and
drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the
other farmer, "How will! I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're in
the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant, if
they're in the mud, then they're not."
The next morning they were rolling in the
mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them again into the family
station wagon and proceeded to try again.
This continued each morning the following
week until one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn't
get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside
and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in
the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
Submitted by Barb, Unionville, Pa.
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April
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