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Back in the cowboy days, a
westbound wagon train was lost and low on food.
No other humans
had been seen for days and then they saw an old Jewish cowboy
sitting beneath a tree. The leader rushed to him and said,
"We're lost and running out of food. Is there someplace ahead
where we can get food?
"Vell," the old Jewish cowboy said, "I
vouldn't go up dat hill und down da other side. Somevun told me
you'll run into a big bacon tree."
"A bacon tree?" asked the wagon train
leader.
"Yah, ah bacon tree. Trust me. For
nuttin vud I lie."
The leader goes back and tells his
people that if nothing else, they might be able to find food on
the other side of the next ridge. "So why did he say not to go
there?" some pioneers asked "Oh, you know the Jewish -- they
don't eat bacon."
So the wagon train goes up the hill and
down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack and massacre
everyone except the leader, who manages to escape back to the
old Jewish cowboy, who's enjoying a "glassel tea." The near-dead
man starts shouting. "You fool. You sent us to our deaths! We
followed your instructions, but there was no bacon tree. Just
hundreds of Indians, who killed everyone."
The old Jewish cowboy holds up his hand
and says "Oy! vait a minute." He then gets out an
English-Yiddish dictionary, and begins thumbing through it. "Gevalt,
I made myself ah big mistake. It vuz not a bacon tree. It vuz a
ham bush."
Submitted by Larry, Walkersville, Md.
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A research institution
announced the discovery of the heaviest element known to
science.
The new element has been tentatively
named "Governmentium ". Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12
assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by
forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of
lepton-like particles called peons.
Since governmentium has no electrons, it
is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every
reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of
governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to
complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of
3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and
deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass
will actually increase over time, since each reorganization
causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion
leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed
whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred
to as "Critical Morass."
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.
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Dec 6th Humor Page
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