Once upon a time in
the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael, the archangel
found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where
have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and
proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael,
look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said,
"What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied
God," and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and
it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?",
inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different
parts of earth; "For example, northern Europe will be a place of
great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be
poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've
placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of
black people".
God continued, pointing to different
countries; "This one will be extremely hot and arid, while this
one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's
work, then pointed to a small land mass with a great bay and said,
"What's that place called?"
"Ah," said God.
"That's Maryland, the most glorious place on earth. There are
beautiful, green fields, sunsets, and rolling hills. The people from
Maryland are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they
are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely
sociable, hardworking, and high-achieving, and they will be known
throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and
admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You
said there would be balance!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until
you see the idiots I'm putting next to them in Washington, DC."
Submitted by Pat, Blue lake, Va.
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The madam opened
the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.
"Can I help you?" the
madam asked.
"I want Natalie," the
old man replied.
"Sir, Natalie is one of
our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..."
"No, I must see
Natalie."
Just then Natalie appeared and
announced to the old man that she charged $1,000 per visit.
Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her
ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour,
whereafter the man calmly left.
The next night he appeared
again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one
had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were
discounts...it was still $1,000 a visit. Again the old man took
out the money, and the two went up to the room. An hour later,
he left.
When he showed up the third
consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed
Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the of the
hour, Natalie questioned the old man: "No one has ever used
my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
The old man replied, "I'm
from Philadelphia."
"Really?" replied
Natalie. "I have family who live there."
"Yes, I know," said
the old man. "Your father died, and I'm your mother's
attorney. She asked me to give this $3,000 to you."
Some things in life are
certain: Taxes, death, and being screwed by an attorney.
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Brunette Jokes:
Aka the Revenge of the Blondes!
- What's Black and Blue and
Brown and Lying in a Ditch? A Brunette Who's Told Too Many
Blonde Jokes.
- What Do You Call Going on a
Blind Date with a Brunette? Brown-bagging It.
- What's the Real Reason a
Brunette Keeps Her Figure? No One Else Wants It.
- Why Are So Many Blonde Jokes
One-liners? So Brunettes Can Remember Them.
- What Do You Call a Brunette
in a Room Full of Blondes? Invisible
- Why Didn't Indians Scalp
Brunettes? The Hair from a Buffalo's Butt Was More
Manageable.
- Why Is Brunette Considered
an Evil Color? When Was the Last Time You Saw a Blonde
Witch?
- What Do Brunettes Miss Most
about a Great Party? The Invitation
- What Do You Call a Good
Looking Man with a Brunette? A Hostage
- Who Makes Bras for
Brunettes? Fisher-price
- Why Are Brunettes So Proud
of Their Hair? It Matches Their Mustache.
Submitted by Kate, San Francisco,
Calif
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