The Christmas spirit

Shannon Bohrer

(12/2019) The Christmas holidays are special for many reasons. We celebrate the holiday spirit with Christmas music, seeing friends and family and giving thanks for the blessings we have. Every year we dream of "Peace on earth and good will toward man." Of course I don’t remember every having peace on earth, but we can hope, and it is up to each of us to express goodwill toward man. The Christmas spirit also reminds us we should care for the poor, take care of the sick and respond to those less fortunate. Maybe we should do this all year.

"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear
and the blind can see" - Mark Twain

While the Christmas spirit is uplifting and we think of kind words and good deeds, it can be somewhat disingenuous if we only practice these actions during the holidays. It has been often said that we judge others by their actions but we judge ourselves by our intentions. Do we judge others more, or less during the holidays? Even if we don’t hold with kindness and empathy all year, maybe the holiday spirit reminds us of who we should be - all year. How we act and treat others is a reflection of who we are, or who we think we are. Maybe that is part of the holiday message, to remind us of who we should be.

While Christmas can challenge us to be responsible, more thoughtful, kind and considerate, our behavior, good or bad, is ultimately our choice. The choices we have include our thoughts and our actions with others, good or bad. Do we sometimes blame others for our actions, anger issues and or resentments? The holiday season is a good time to reflect upon our own behavior. It is very easy to examine ones’ self and focus on our positives, while ignoring our negatives. Why is it that we can sometimes easily find fault with others and at the same time seem blind to our own shortcomings?

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude
in a given set of circumstances" - Viktor E. Frankl

The Christmas season is special, but we all understand it can be demanding and puzzling at the same time. Christmas is the time of the year when we have family gatherings, sometimes with family members and neighbors that we may not see all year, some by choice. People do think differently, we have different views with on multiple issues, including politics. Our two major political ideologies sometimes seem very tribal. Instead of listening to each other, we often just ignore each other. Ignoring others because we don’t think the same way, is counterproductive to the holiday spirit of caring and kindness. Challenging yourself to be more tolerant can be difficult, but not addressing our differences only adds to our separate worlds.

Sometimes, intolerance of persons that don’t think like us feels like normal behavior. When having discussions about our differences, we often experience raised voices that is more argumentative than conversational. After which, the behavior becomes normalized and the intolerance becomes the norm.

It is possible to disagree and not be disagreeable. Tolerance can include mindfulness, an understanding that when one person raises their voice, you are not required to act in kind. Communication is an art and a science. Listening with the understanding that you may not agree with another party is a good starting point. It does take two people to have an argument. Tolerance of our differences demonstrates an understanding of our mindfulness, that we all have differences.

"To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue;
these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity,
earnestness, and kindness" - Confucius

I do believe that thoughtfulness, kindness and having a generally good disposition it something that most people admire. If we like being around people with these traits, then why would be not want to be like them? Maybe we think that we are already good people, so we have no reason to reflect on our own behavior. Possibly - as you are reading this column you are thinking that you already exhibit the positive traits of thoughtfulness and kindness, but you may have some family members or associates that have issues. If this sounds like a realistic view from your perspective, you may be right. Then again - maybe other family member or friends are thinking the same thing about you.

"A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at
twenty has wasted thirty years of his life." - Muhammad Ali

Thoughtfulness and kindness, how we interact with others, is or should be something we learned when we were young. Learning tolerance, how we interact with others that are different than us, is sometimes viewed as an abstract. Something we know exists and we say we believe, but we do not always practice. It’s like judging ourselves with our intentions and judging others for their actions. Yet the wisdom that we accumulate with our years of learning and experiences tells us that our differences are normal. Thoughtfulness and kindness, can bridge our differences. How do we interact with people who don’t think like us, is a reflection of us.

This holiday season is a good time to practice kindness, to tolerate the differences we have, with the understanding that we have more in common with our friends and family, than we have in differences. We should count our blessings, not just during the holidays, but all year.

"A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds.
A good deed is never lost;
he who sows courtesy reaps friendship,
and he who plants kindness gathers love." - Saint Basil

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays