Honesty is the only policy

Sarah Miller
MSMU Class of 2026

(1/2023) Growth is vital in everyone’s lives, especially when one is in the developmental stage of childhood. Coaching your child is straightforward as a parent, but when they start having their own abstract thoughts and ideas, saying no can be tricky.

When I was younger, I had an idea about making a dog hotel for all dogs in the SPCA. They would have a room dedicated to each dog and people who were a prospective adopter, and they would rent out the room for a night to play with the dog and see how they are in the real "at home" climate. I would say, looking back, it was a fantastic idea. Although I would not become a millionaire from the concept, and many dogs would be left alone in their room, neglected from time to time, there were a lot of grey areas in the plan. I proposed the idea to my mom, and she thought that it was very clever. My mom never turned down the dog hotel. She did realize, though, I was doing it with good intentions. I just wanted to get dogs out of the cages and into more people’s hands. It was a brilliant idea that eventually phased out of my thoughts, but how my mom handled it was clever. I feel that if your child truly has good intentions when doing something, it deserves to be up in the air for a child to think about. Good choices lead children to grow up living good lives, and being empathetic and kind to them is essential. We need more positive people with good ideas, and by raising our children with our future in mind, we can stretch the truth just so slightly so creativity can last.

When children start to have their phase where they have free thought, it is important to pay attention to what they say. From 4-6 years old, children have the ability to realize that parents are humans too, and they can say what they want to say, whether it is truthful or not. I think in these years, it is crucial to really listen to your kids so that you can critique them young. Verbal communication and interaction are important in development, and if the child doesn’t know how to communicate with their peers truthfully, how will they know how to make friends in the long run? I understand that shutting children’s thoughts down is also ineffective. Still, if children were educated early and parents utilized redirected learning, it is a passive way of teaching. For example, something along the lines of "honey, that is close, but this is better to say." Dismissing is ineffective, but comparing things for your child makes more sense.

Sometimes when I think of young children and their development, I also think of Christmas time. Recently, one of my friends asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I didn’t know what I wanted on the spot. She responded, "I was thinking that I could donate to a charity of your choosing in your name?" At the moment, I was surprised, but I also didn’t realize how thoughtful that idea was. So many people need help, especially in these cold winter months, and giving back to the community should not be overlooked. Although my mom gets me some awesome presents, why not give other people support, mainly because I have everything I need? Children should be raised to think of others first during this time, especially because Christmas should be memorable for everyone, not just those fortunate enough to spend money.

I feel that children should be raised to realize the true ‘reason for the season,’ and that is to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Without thinking of Jesus’s birth, we really just give gifts to give them. I feel that maxing out our credit cards should never be the case, and setting realistic expectations should be a factor. You can make the time special for kids when you prioritize meaning over tangible things. Making a child happy isn’t hard; by just loving them and spending time with them, they are content. When children are growing up, I feel that being honest with them is the best policy, especially during the fun holiday times. Questions like, "how does Santa fit down the chimney?" or "how does Santa make it to every house in one night" can be avoided and better, more intellectual questions can be substituted for them. This can help children strengthen their faith. Once faith is lost during Christmas, many overlook the holiday. Traditions don’t just have to be through presents, but it could be seeing a family member who is far away or baking a batch of cookies. Both are sweet, but overlooked because of the stereotypical Christmas traditions; and please don’t get me wrong, I love a new pair of shoes once in a while.

All in all, children are brilliant. It is hard to tell your child they are wrong, but I feel it depends on how you are raising them and what kind of parenting style you choose. Sometimes kids do great with abstract ideas and thinking all of the time, but some kids do better with structure. It all depends on the child. You should never tell a kid that they are wrong or dismiss their hopes and dreams because of that idea of lost potential. Your support of kids is the most important thing in their lives. Parents who support their kids and love them unconditionally make the best mentors. Usually, children want to model after and be like the person they look up to, who are most likely their parents. That’s why I feel that support is one of the most important things in a child’s development. Reality, though, is something that should always be kept in mind when assessing their hopes and dreams. Not everyone can be an astronaut or a Superman, but teaching the qualities that come with being those things can be important life lessons for them. Who knows? Maybe you are raising the next Superman or Superwoman, but just make sure to tell them they probably won’t ever be able to fly.