Advice to incoming Freshman

August 2018

Accepting yourself

Kaitlyn Marks
MSMU Class of 2021

Freshman year is so exciting but can also be daunting: a chance to start fresh, meet new people, learn a lot, and not just for classes, but about who you are and who you want to become. The most significant piece of advice I can give to a freshman is to embrace who you are, unabashedly. College encapsulates even more than you could imagine. There are sports, clubs for every interest and passion, service opportunities, and more. There are decisions to be made about parties, studying, and who you surround yourself with. These choices are not necessarily easy, but they certainly help define your freshman year experience.

In high school, there was so much pressure on individuals to "fit in" and be a part of the ‘in crowd’. Acceptance isn’t really a piece of anyone’s vocabulary, and if you’re at all different (which we all are, of course), it can be enormously challenging to overcome those social pressures. College is so different. In your time at college, you will unfortunately encounter people with that same ‘us vs. them’ mindset. However, for the most part, you will encounter people who are open, willing to listen, and excited to learn about who you are and what makes your passion spark.

Across the course of my freshman year, I slowly developed and built up my confidence. I learned that if someone didn’t like me, it spoke more to their character than mine. I started being much more open about my passions—the disability community, service to others, and writing. I ignored unfounded (and unwarranted) judgments about changing my major to English, and I embraced my 2018 goal of saying yes to more—opportunities, invites, and challenges. The best thing you can do during your freshman year is to abandon whatever preconceived notions you have about that year. It might not look the exact way you pictured or saw others experience. The people might not match what you thought they would. That is okay. Actually, it’s better than okay. The unexpected, surprising reality will probably end up being so much better than what you imagined.

During the summer following my freshman year I had the chance to experience possibly the best week of my life. I spent a week in July volunteering with an organization called Camp PALS. Camp PALS is a summer camp for young adults with Down Syndrome. These individuals are paired up one-on-one with a counselor and spend the week making new friends, going on trips, and learning about others. While I was at camp, I met so many people who taught me more about what I want in life, who I want to be, and how I can live my best life. When I return to school in the fall, I will be bringing those lessons with me. Overall, camp taught me that when you are accepted fully for who you are, magic comes to life. This starts with accepting yourself. Maybe you have a secret passion for cooking or writing. Try those things out! Perhaps you have always wanted to be an artist, but were discouraged by family members. Take an art class and let that passion blossom.

When I was at camp, I experienced abundant amounts of love and acceptance. Aside from teaching me the value of those things, I also learned what a difference love and acceptance make in creating transformative, impactful relationships. The friendships I made during that week are some of the best friendships I’ve made in my entire life. That leads me to another piece of advice: if a friendship seems great at first but then isn’t working out for you, it’s okay to cut it off. This might sound mean, but the biggest priority freshman year is for you to get comfortable being at school. Going to college warrants a huge adjustment. So many things will be different and new. Learning that it’s okay to prioritize yourself is a critical part of developing your confidence as well as finding that safe space within your freshman year.

Take chances this year. Talk to people outside of your comfort zone. Join clubs and organizations that matter to you. Do you really love to sing? Even if you think you’re bad at it, just sign up for something. Following your passions will take you to the best places, and you’ll discover infinite amounts about yourself. You might even find out that a career you’d never thought of could be your dream.

Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Professors are always willing to sit and chat with you about life, majors, stresses, classes, and everything in between. Particularly at a small school like the Mount, professors have open doors in terms of communication. If you are struggling in a class, seek out a tutor or visit your school’s writing center. Go to office hours. You aren’t paying for all of those services to go to waste! Further, if you want advice about something, you never know who might have a beneficial insight. During my freshman year, I was on the fence about certain leadership, professional, and service opportunities. It can be scary to jump headfirst into the unknown on a leap of faith, but that’s the thing that freshman year is all about—taking a leap, being bold, and being open to whatever amazing new things come your way. On the other hand, seek out the things you want. If you want a position writing professionally, apply until the right one comes along. If you want to study abroad at some point during college, start looking into opportunities and seeing where it will fit in schedule. During your freshman year, reflect often. I used a journal to do this, but for some people, it’s taking pictures or making videos. Capture the memories, especially pertaining to how you feel. With a time so exciting and new, be brave, be yourself, and be open-minded.

Read other articles by Kaitlyn Marks

Embracing change

Morgan Rooney
MSMU Class of 2020

No one can ever be fully prepared for the life-changing transition between high school to college. For many, it’s the first time on their own, and the first time they are faced with adult tasks ad responsibilities. Although I could give some advice regarding budgeting your money, eating healthy, or time management, these subjects may come as common sense to most. If I could tell my past self anything about moving away from my family and going to college, I would tell my newly high-school-graduated self not to be afraid to put myself out there, and to embrace change in all forms.

By "putting yourself out there", I don’t necessarily mean putting yourself in highly risky situations. I don’t think anyone should put him/herself directly in harm's way, whether that be through drugs or other obvious dangers, but I do think that risk-taking is a great way to keep your college life interesting. Spending time with groups that you normally wouldn’t have before, or signing up for that day trip that looked interesting to you are good places to start.

Doing new things without a close friend by your side may make you feel uncomfortable at first. As someone who is quite introverted, this was a challenge I faced when I first arrived at college two years ago. In fact, I would avoid going to certain activities so that I wouldn’t have to go alone. I felt that if I went someplace alone, others may think that I don’t have any friends (which sounds ridiculous to me now). Although it is something I have improved upon a lot, it is still something I admit that I struggle with. I went from not wanting to go to the gym by myself to traveling to Ireland alone. The best way that I can put it is that we all came into this world alone, and we are all individuals, therefore there is absolutely no shame in doing things or spending time in your own company. A certain amount of independence and alone time is good for us.

Although I’ve highlighted the importance of solitude and independence, which can be "putting yourself out there" for some people, sometimes just the opposite is something some people are uncomfortable with. Because many of us have lived in the same place for the majority of our lives, making friends may not come as naturally as you may think. At least, making new friends came as a challenge for me. It wasn’t difficult because I was particularly "weird" or "strange" to the point that it would be a barrier when trying to build relationships with new people, but because I had been friends with all of my closest friends for many years. Those close friendships developed slowly through the years and took time. To suddenly move away to a new place where none of my friendships would follow me was overwhelming. It is those independent journeys you take that will help you develop new friends so that you will be independent, but not lonely.

Many of your hobbies may come with you, like if you play the guitar or like to go for a run in the mornings, but there is so much opportunity for finding new activities and hobbies. Everyone is new upon arrival, so it is perfect timing to try something new when everyone else is in the same situation. You are much less likely to feel uncomfortable because everyone is new, and it is the perfect opportunity to meet people with similar interests as you have. You usually don’t even have to have a great about of knowledge on the subject at all. A friend of mine in my first year of college signed up for the rugby team, although she didn’t even know how to play when she first got there. She picked up on the sport very quickly and loves it to this day. Taking that sculpting course or attending the Saturday morning yoga class shouldn’t be something to fear.

With all the excitement of coming to college, there is also a lot you are leaving behind back home. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it takes some to get used to. Last semester I attended a lecture on mental health for college students. One of the problems that the lecturers brought up was that certain things that brought the students comfort at home when they felt anxious, stressed, or upset were gone. I found this statement very relatable. One of the things that made me feel very at peace when I was facing something stressful was hopping in the car and going for a long drive to clear my head. When I first arrived to college, I didn’t have a car with me, so I had to come up with different way to relax. Something that worked for me personally was going for a long walk and enjoying the local scenery when the weather was nice. If it was too cold, I would stay in my bed, make myself a cup of tea and listen to music. Although these methods may not work for everyone, the point is that with a big change in life, you may have to change more than you want to. It just takes time to figure things out for yourself. No one can tell you how to live.

Restructuring your life is much more difficult for some people than others depending on your personality and other situational circumstances, but it is possible (and necessary) for everyone. Change is scary on the surface but there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and it shouldn’t be something we shy away from. Change is good and helps us grow into better adults. The responsibility is greater but so is the payoff. Remember that college is all about learning, but that doesn’t only mean academics.

Lastly, as college is very important, definitely don’t be afraid to have fun. Loosen up a bit, but don’t forget about your safety and responsibilities. It’s your life; you can shape it into whatever you want it to be, and this is the time to do so.

Read other articles by Morgan Rooney

Dear freshman…

Shea Rowell
MSMU Class of 2019

As you walk on to campus for the first time, you’ll be flooded by the newness all around you. You’ll be faced with a new place to live, new people to live with, new food to eat, classes to take, friends to make, goals to reach, etc. I remember being overwhelmed by all the unfamiliar faces, and wondering if I made the right decision when I enrolled at Mount St. Mary’s University. However intimidating it might be, I advise any new student to see the uncertainty of the next four years not as an obstacle, but as a chance to grow beyond the limits of your comfort zone.

So far in college, I have found numerous opportunities for growth. There are courses in almost every subject and activities for every interest. It is easy, however, to let these opportunities pass you by. If anything can prevent you from growing in college and making the most of your four years of study, it is your comfort zone. Breaking out of it, however, is easier said than done. We like our comfort zones; they make us feel safe, secure, and sure of ourselves. Especially when other things in our lives change, we can cling to our habits, interests and routines as a constant. We like what we know, and feel uneasy when we are faced with "unknowns." But these moments of fear, discomfort and uncertainty are the moments that will make your college experience fruitful, memorable and fun.

The most prominent comfort-zone-breaking moment of my college career took place last January, when a loved one of mine, my grandfather, passed away. He was 94 years old, and if anyone could boast of a full life, it would be my grandfather. Warren Hill Pinter fought as a Marine in the Pacific during the second World War, was the only survivor of two platoons, and earned two purple hearts and a gold star. When he returned to the states after the war, he married his first wife, Dorothy, and together they raised nine children. He was a talented actor and singer, and participated in local opera companies as a performer. Professionally, he worked as an engineer. The capstone of his career was his work with NASA on the Apollo 13 mission as an environmental engineer (he has an autograph of Buzz Aldrin hanging on his living room wall!). After Dorothy’s passing, he retired and married my grandmother, and together they travelled the world and visited their growing herd of grandchildren. He was a man of courage, skill, generosity, and laughter. I will never forget his witty humor or his deep basso belting out Gilbert and Sullivan showtunes.

His passing was a sad day, especially for my grandmother, who cared for him in his sickness for years without complaint. Shortly after his passing, my grandmother called me on the phone, and asked me to sound Taps at his funeral. I agreed without hesitation; how could I disappoint my grieving grandmother, and dishonor my grandfather’s memory by refusing? As soon as I hung up the phone, however, the weight of the task sunk in. Who was I to sound Taps at the funeral of a decorated military hero like my grandfather? I, with no military experience to speak of, and doubtlessly much less musical experience than the military buglers. What if I made a mistake, or played at the wrong time? What if I played it too fast or too slow? Just seconds after agreeing, my mind was flooded with doubts. Could I really do this?

About two weeks later, I flew to Florida to stay with my grandmother for a week before the funeral. She introduced me to her friends as "the granddaughter who will be sounding Taps," and I struggled to maintain composure as the conversation turned to how moving that was going to be. The pressure built throughout the week, until finally the day arrived. The church filled with family members whom I had never met as I paced in the back with my trumpet in hand, nervously blowing air through it and trying to calm myself down.

The service began, and I sat in the very last pew, glancing behind me all the while to catch the arrival of the Marines who were to present my grandmother with an American flag at the conclusion. When they finally arrived, I slipped out the door and greeted them, and noticed that they brought their own bugler – an experienced Marine bugler who would without a doubt sound Taps flawlessly, and without dying of panic! The officer looked me in the eye and asked, "Are you sure you want to play?"

This was my way out. I had one more chance to back out, and slip back into the pews unnoticed. But before I could stop myself, I said yes, I was sure. I stood in the back, stock still as the Marines marched slowly up the church aisle, my heart was pounding in my chest. Their procession took all of two minutes, but to me it felt like hours! As they extended the flag over my grandfather’s urn, I raised my horn and began to play, feigning confidence and poise, playing loudly and strongly, for everyone to hear.

When it was over, I lowered my trumpet, still shaking, and breathed a sigh of relief, thanking God that I didn’t make any mistakes. All the stress, frantic practicing, doubt, and terror was worthwhile as soon as I saw the looks on the faces around me – pride in the man they called their husband, father, or grandfather, and honor to his memory.

While my comfort zone was somewhere sitting in a pew, I took the opportunity to be vulnerable, and to honor my grandfather in the only way I was able. I will remember that day for the rest of my life; I hope I made my grandfather proud.

So, if you’re a freshman starting your college career this month, take that class, join that club, go to that event. Leave that pesky comfort zone at home. Without it, you’ll accomplish things you never thought you could, and become a better person than you thought you could be.

Read other articles by Shea Rowell

Sincerely, Sarah

Sarah Muir
MSMU Class of 2018

I am not sure if I can consider myself to be any wiser now that I have navigated the world outside higher education for about two and a half months, but I have been tasked to give rising seniors advice. I think if I were to give you a speech that contained the classic, "study hard and have fun, but not too much," with a metaphorical wink and a nudge, I would be being doing you a kind of disservice. I want to be of more use to you; to give you advice that you can use now and in the life ahead of you. Instead, I’ll give you a mixed bag of advice to help you with work and school and your life outside those two activities, because you should have a life outside work and school. Some of the advice has been learned through the observation of others, while the rest is advice I should have taken years ago.

Don’t plan everything, and what plans you have, let them have places where they bend, or you will be in store for a lifetime of stress and worry. However, as an avid procrastinator, I advise that you place some planning in the papers ahead of you and mark the due date in your calendar a week before it’s due, so at least you have a bit more room to breathe.

"Try your hardest," might sound trite, but it’s true. Work hard and impress your bosses, professors and peers, but be careful because sometimes love, eagerness, and ability are taken advantage of, and people will eat up your time in order to conserve their own. Learn to say "No," both bluntly and delicately, because you can only do so much, and people are a lot more accepting of this than you realize.

For both the responsibilities you take on and for those that are thrust upon you, own up to your successes and failures. It is more honorable to be a person who understands their culpability than one who tries to place that burden on someone else.

In everything we do there is a choice and it’s better you learn that now than later. The actions you take as well as the actions you don’t will be weighed and judged by yourself, by God, by a jury of your peers, and by the universe. You should know that even if the decision you made was a poor one, you can apologize, fix what you can, and move on; and know that this is the best any of us can do. Don’t lose sleep over the past or the future; one, because sleep is important (there’s no shame in the occasional nap, in fact I endorse such activities), and two, because you can do nothing to change the past, and the future can only be controlled to a certain degree.

Like I said before, work hard. Certainly, money isn’t everything and it certainly isn’t happiness, but it does help. Just don’t count your wealth as gold; count it as health, experiences and imperishable relationships. Your family is more than blood and the time and memories with them should be collected as kindling to keep you warm when you find yourself in strange, new, and sometimes cold places.

Your friends should be chosen wisely. From a mixture of observation and personal experience, I advise you to strive for quality, not quantity. After all, your friends reflect who you are and influence you as much as you influence them. You should still be on friendly, or at the very least, civil terms with all people (an extraordinarily tall order, I know). You’ll have to live and work besides all sorts--even the people who irritate you. I have found no way to circumvent this. However, even if you are sweeter than a hummingbird’s beak, don’t be surprised if people still don’t like you. I’m sorry to be the one that tells you this, but you can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. People will judge you and compare your successes and failures to theirs, it’s what we do. Don’t take this to heart, and trust in the words of the great 20th century philosopher, Dr. Seuss, "those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".

To be interesting at parties, you must have good stories. For this you must travel and as much as possible and meet people with interesting stories. And in traveling and meeting people you have access to a wealth of opportunities! I am not saying that you must travel the world (however, if your budget permits this, please do), but I am saying that even the shortest journey is an adventure. Go on a road trip to a state over, even a city over and make it an experience. As my grandfather has said on many expeditions involving winding back roads, "any road will get you somewhere". So, travel, a lot, but make sure to carve out of this world a small quiet place for yourself that you can call "home".

On more general advice: give excellent gifts (not always on the days they are expected), have a hobby (or two), Alka-Seltzer and water can help remove stains, if you’re not hungry for dinner have dessert, have a basic toolbox when you move out on your own, add butter to anything and it will taste better, take lots of pictures and print them out, learn at least one recipe by heart, and if you want to beat someone at hangman use the word "Zephyr".

I know my advice sounds like I’ve plagiarized from fortune cookies, but it’s all I can manage in a thousand or so words. The most important thing I can tell you is that you can listen to advice, but this does not make you obliged to follow it. Take what works and use it, then change it until you have your own piece of wisdom to pass on.

Read other articles by Sarah Muir

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